Tuesday, December 20, 2011

That which doesn't kill you....

 Makes a GREAT t-shirt!
I designed this shirt online today....here's why...

(My Christmas gift to you all...
The gift of laughter, even at my own expense.)

My wonderful kids brought home some lovely germs last week from school and in their generosity and selflessness, decided to share their bounty with me. 
As much as I love when they share with me, this could have been overlooked and I would have been perfectly fine without it!  
Nevertheless, these crappy germs have found solace in my body and I'm not quite sure when they plan to depart.  
Seems this gift has soooo many wonderful side effects to it and cannot be experienced all at once, oh no....!  
Apparently, it's like an advent germ,
something new each and every day.

I'm stubborn and I try NOT to take medication, but this gift, that keeps on giving was really starting to get the best of me so I caved and decided to liquor myself up on NyQuil.

I haven't had a good nights sleep in several days and was beyond thrilled at the idea of 6 possibly 8 hours of solid uninterrupted sleep.
The coughing fits at night were just about to take their toll.  

So here I am, flannel pink penguin pajamas, fuzzy aloe purple socks, long cotton t-shirt, chest bathed in Vick's menthol cream, cough drop in mouth, all cuddled in to bed.
I set the sleep timer for 30 minutes on the TV, flip through some channels.  Find the travel channel and cozy into my pillow for a deep amazing sleep.  
The coughing starts...
Getting annoyed, I grab the remote to our bed,  yes, we spoiled ourselves with one of those massaging, elevating head and feet thingies; which I might add, DO come in handy when you're coughing and need to prop up a bit. 
No biggie, grab the remote, press the + button on the head, "mmmmmmmmm" elevation up, perfect! So, sooooo comfy.  Coughing ceases and the waves of over medicating start taking affect.  Sedation is kicking in, in....5,4,.....

Some time in the night, I vaguely remember hearing a familiar noise.  I'm not registering it as the phone, or the alarm clock or the sound of my kids, so....I disregard.  
Sweet, wonderful sleep....you are so good to me.
Yet, that droning noise is still ever present and does not seem to be subsiding.  At this very moment I become vaguely aware of my mild discomfort.
I try with all my might to pry one eyeball open and that is when I realize,
OMG!!! I'm MOVING!!!
Damn NyQuil anyhow...
I'd fallen asleep with the bed remote and forgot to put it back on the nightstand!

At this point my forehead is rapidly preparing to introduce itself to my kneecaps and panic sets in as I "try" to roll over and hop out.  NOPE...not happening...
Stupid ergonomic technology with the foam cushion that "hugs" you while you sleep...
Hug? My pink fuzzy penguin flannel butt, hug!
My bed is trying to kill me.
Just then my hand makes contact with a remote control and I think I've found my salvation; which is a terrific thing, because my ankles are now in a place that they haven't been in in 20 years,  when I realize it's only the TV controller and I fling it across the bed and hear this...
"ting!.....thud!"
ARE YOU KIDDING ME????
I've just thrown the TV remote directly at the bed remote causing the bed remote to fly off the bed  and has just hit the floor!
This couldn't get more fantastic.  
At this point, I realize that the situation has turned to kill or be killed.  I can either fight or  kiss my butt goodbye; literally, because at that moment I had a pretty good view of it!
When suddenly, the aggravating hum of the plush iron maiden torture device stopped!
OH THANK YOU, LORD!!!  
I managed a few Matrix moves and something I'd seen at the circus where the people swing acrobatically in the air on thin strips of material and wa-la!
I'm here to tell the story....
Moral of the story....
(I'll leave that to you to decide!)

I even thought I should write to Sesame Street and pitch this idea for their show...
"Today's Letter ,U, is brought to you by Tempur-Pedic!"

Merry, Merry Christmas EVERYONE and a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
Hugs and Happy Stamping!
Lisa xx

One Quick card to share that I made for my In-laws Anniversary...


Have a great one!!



23 comments:

Sue said...

Wonderful wonderful story Q, couldn't have happened to a better person!!!!!!!! as you are the only one that could have retold this fiasco with such hilarity. I am laughing of course and it is at your expense, but life is crazy sometimes.
I am so sorry to hear that you are so sick, I do hope you improve immeasurably before Christmas Day.
Smiles:)

Marie-Louise said...

Sorry that you are not feeling well - but have to say that your story was very funny. I like the card you made for your in-laws - very nice. Have a very happy Christmas and Best Wishes for 2012.

Linda said...

Oh, Lisa.... I laughed so hard reading this that I snorted!!

So sorry to here you are unwell, kids school germs are the worst!

get well soon, (I don mean it, even though I am still giggling).

Hugs,

Linda xx

Chrissy said...

[hand over mouth...trying to stifle hysterics]...Oh, Lisa, how awful..[getting ready to explode]...Fancy catching nasty bugs at this time of the year [hee.hee]...and such a traumatic bed time you have had [getting louder]...if you could see what my imagination was seeing..LOL...LOL...I'm sorry, but that was sooo funny, I can still see you now...Hope you start to feel better sweetie...I am sorry you're feeling poorly.

A very Merry Christmas to you & your family.

Luv CHRISSYxx

Mitra Pratt said...

Goodness! The cat even thought that story funny and we all know they like to sleep in odd positions! Hope ya don't mind I shared this story with the hubby!

Mitra Pratt said...

Oh and feel better soon!

Shelby said...

I'm really glad I had my depends on when I read this. Too damn funny.

Candy said...

OMG!!! What a fabulous story! I am here sitting alone laughing out loud! You must have been frightened out of your wits. Thankfully you are ok. Thanks for the laugh.
Merry Christmas
Candy
candyscraftcorner.blogspot.com

Lynn B. said...

I'm laughing so hard that I think my water might break . . . and I'm not even pregnant! I am so sorry that you're not feeling well. It sounds awful. Mothers should get medals for what they endure! Have a wonderful Christmas! I love you dearly!!!

Donna Phelan said...

OMG! That was a riot! Yes, I am sorry you are under the weather, and yes I am sorry that your bed attacks like a cobra, but hahahahahaha, that was so funny.....hope you don't mind I just might have to add it to my Holiday Newsletter! (hahaha only kidding!) Merry Christmas.....and sleep on the couch! :)

Ina said...

Oh Lisa What a wonderful gift you gave us. I am sure we are all ROLLING AROUND THE FLOOR LAUGHING. You make a good story teller. This one wouldn't be any good as a goodnght story you wouldn't get to sleep. Anyway I loved reading it and laughing.
Hope you get better soon. Have a Merry Christmas. Hugs from Ina in Oz

Mary J said...

LOL!!!! Oh Lisa honey, I'm so glad you survived that ordeal! Remind me NOT to buy one of those cos I'm as clumsy as they come!!

Gorgeous anniversary card - what a very clever idea! A beaut!

Mary J said...

Oh and I hope you're feeling better now!!

Sandy said...

You are sooooo funny Lisa! I love your outlook and your personality. When I lived near my grand kids and had them quite a bit, I was sick off and on all the time. My doctor said I suffered from vermintitis. I too have a tempur-pedict mattress that does everything but sing. Like you, I have been wakened during the night with the odd noise and strange vibration so I know of that which you speak. I loved your post.
Merry Christmas!!
Sandy

Stampin D Amour said...

Lisa - that is such a well written posting!!!

Darn those nasty germs! LOL! They are everywhere, even in the air!

This always come to mind, esp when I am stuck in a giant sardine can (oh, I mean airplane!) with hundreds of other passengers...it just takes the "cough of doom" from one sick person to share more germies.

Hope you feel better, my friend. Happy Holidays! xo

-pamela :)

Plush Possum Studio said...

The gift of laughter--Thanks so much!
Your writing is truly outstanding!
Happy Holidays to you and yours and may you find you're feeling all better in time to share in the joy this Christmas!
Rose

Lisa S. said...

Can you hear me??? I know my neighbors can as I am about to fall out of my chair laughing at your expense, so so sorry. I do hope those crappy germs depart your body soon and that all of you have a very Merry Christmas!

I'd also like to wish your husband, and all of our military men and women, a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! You mentioned a while back that he isn't going to be home this Christmas and I'd just like to say that he will be in our prayers as will all of you. There's simply no words to express how grateful my family is for the sacrifices our military men and women make each day.
Merry Christmas and God Bless,
L2 in TN

Margaret said...

OK! I am picturing you in a position I never would have dreamed that I would be imagining! I think our friendship has reached a whole new level... Did I mention that it's pretty funny too? At least you managed to escape relatively unscathed!
The anniversary card is wonderful and such a fabulous way to mark their special day!
Hope you are feeling much better now!

Shirley said...

Actually misery loves company and I enjoyed your read. I totally associate with it, only I don't know where I got mine and I had my flu shot too! LOLOL :-D If I don't get back before, a Very Merry Christmas and Happy Healthy New Year to you and yours!!

Dora said...

Hi Lisa, sorry to hear you are not so well, hope you'll be better for Christmas and the story about the bed was really funny, you have a way to writing that makes is so fun to read:)... and your anniversary card is gorgeous, love it. Wishing you a Merry Christmas xxx

Samantha said...

Firstly I would heheheheee like to say I'm hehehheee so ehheheheee Sooorry to hear your hehehee not well!! Secondly WOW you were nearly in hibernation mode there! tehhehehee Lisa I know your not well but your hilarious method of re telling the story can only be told by you NO one else could tell it the same! I re told the story to several of my customers today and well I have to say I had to read out parts of what you had said as the way you tell it is TOOOOO funny!!

Hope your over your crappy bug soon! its reallly not nice,,,, we have had it in our house too! but sadly or gladly we do not have a remote bed!! phew!

hugs and happy Christmas love me xx

Marie Gamber said...

Oh my goodness!..... I will finish this after I get up off the floor! LOL! I am so sorry you are sick but your story is priceless! Get well soon!
Hugs XX
Marie

Dolly Daydreams said...

Sorry am laughing so loud....I know I shouldn't but well you made it so funny !! Hope you a feeling better now and you didn't pull too many muscles to add to your list of ailments.

Marie