Saturday, June 8, 2013

Women Parts, Heart Attacks, Strep Throat and Bleach...

Well hello to you all! 
It's been a hell of a week so far.  
Absolutely love when my yearly physicals roll around all at the same time.  
Had to get my tetanus shot as it's been 10 years already, so had that in the left arm. Then the blood work was drawn for all the cholesterol and whatnot checks also in the left arm. While in the middle of thinking on this project, the phone rings and it's the hospital on the line and a very frantic and nervous woman asking me if I'm having heart palpitations and finding it difficult to move my joints.  No hello, no nothing, just instantly asking those questions. I said, "To be honest, I just started, right after you said that!"  She said, "You need to get to the Emergency Room ASAP, we think you're on the verge of having a heart attack."
 I said, "WHAT??? I'm not having ANY of those symptoms!"  
Apparently my potassium levels were red flag high and so I either could rush to the ER and have tests run OR I could go back to the lab and have the blood drawn again. I chose door number 2.
1 hour later, I'm back at home again, now with a completely sore left arm and a new puncture wound in my right arm, when the phone rings again.  It's the same lady from before; only this time, she's completely calm.  She begins by apologizing for alarming me earlier and then tells me that all my blood work is absolutely normal and my potassium levels are perfect; I am not going to be having a heart attack anytime in the near future.  Apparently, the phlebotomist  who drew my blood earlier, left the tourniquet on too long and that causes the potassium levels to rise.  I did not know that.... but now I do. 
Then it was off to have the boobies flattended...(Gotta Save Second Base!) 

So what does that have to do with me being a dork? 
Well, my arms are completely sore and my body feels like a human pin cushion, and when I went to the store to buy bleach for this project, I could barely bend my arms and this particular jar of bleach was the one I could reach.  

Our theme this week for Onion, Mitza Pitza, and Quirks this week is....
Use Bleach and Another Medium
Here's the ridiculous part.  After realizing that I wasn't going to have a heart attack, I set out to make a very fun and colorful tag filled with bleached stamped images. So, I stamped and stamped and stamped and guess what? Nothing! The more I stamped with bleach, the same the paper stayed. Eventually I finally yelled in defeat, "What the heck is the deal???"  That's when I spun the chair around to read the bottle and the jar I had grabbed was color safe bleach!!!! DORK!!!! No friggin' wonder it wasn't working. 
So now my poked and prodded arms are really sore as I've been pushing down with all my strength to get the bleach to take to the paper and nothing, not now, not ever....
if you use color safe bleach on acetate, it really does give a beautiful charred brown appearance seen in the upper top right and lower left bottom of the tag.

The go anywhere tag was created by painting a butterfly stamp with acrylic blue paint and then adding a painted layer of REGULAR bleach on top of that and then stamping it onto the colored cardstock and you can see here that the bleach worked much better.  

My initial inspiration was the Tim Holtz 12 Tags of 2013 and the latest June tag here; which is why I decided on the dragonfly.  Upon further inspection, I really think the warped acetate and spastic coloring along with the sporadic movements and design, rather summarize the week I've had.

Next week I'm off to have my annual pap smear test run. 
 Last year, right after I had it done, they called to tell me that the results came in and I had strep throat!

Thanks for letting me rant a bit...LOL...and for visiting. Be sure to check out what I'm certain will be the inspiration you're looking for over at Sue's blog here and Mitra's blog here.

Hugs n' Happy Stamping,
Lisa xx


Karon said...

LOL - what a day you have had!! And why is it that all our women's stuff comes together!! Never spread out! LOL! Love the tag - colour safe bleach and all :-) Have a great rest of the weekend. Hugs, Karon.

Marie-Louise said...

Lisa - you sound like Calamity Jane - lol.

Gorgeous tag despite the setbacks.

Scrumplescrunch said...

Hello Q
Great looking Tag, as usual it has your quirkiness all over it, and I agree it does relate a chaotic feel.
But I love the creativity and especially the elementary way you have made the dragonfly, it lacks all the flimsy,fragile and friable look that one equates to this insect; there is no parallel; yours is unyielding. The Acetate looks watery, as if the insect has succumbed,it definitely symbolises your week, by adding the arrows you direct the way forward and your optimism shines through.
Fabulous, I love it.

Tracy said...

Think I'm going to have to rename you Stan, as in Stan Laurel and I'll be your straight man Oliver. hee hee You might want to look into changing doctors although I guess that might not work since you probably go to the military doctors. If they keep going around scaring people like that somebody IS going to have a heart attack. You know I have to wonder about that color safe bleach. Does it really serve a purpose at all if it won't even fade paper. What gets bleached??? Despite all your trouble I really like how the tag came out especially the sentiments. They made my brain cells move around and contemplate. Hope next week it MUCH calmer for ya Twang em I mean Stan. :-) Hugs!

Tammy said...

Oh goodness girl, you have me laughing so hard the tears are streaming down my face! Your tag is absolutely beautiful but the mental image of you. . . well I just can't stop laughing! Hope next week's doctor appointment goes a little better! and I'm glad for the happy ending!

Kelly said...

Can I just laugh a ton not that it is funny but your story is funny!! Just wait until you are 50 and they want to add another test to your annual routine!! hehe Poor girl!! I think the best part of your story is the color-safe bleach!!! ROFL!!!! Your tag is adorable as so are you!
Hugs and a little punch in the arm! lol

Linda Coughlin, the funkie junkie said...

Whew, sounds like a traumatic and stressful week! So glad the situation turned around and that you DIDN'T have a heart attack - LOL. Your tag came out awesome! Awesome colors and textures and the Go Anywhere arrows are super! Here's wishing you a better week next week!


Pia S said...

A little piece of this, a little piece of that, some inks here and there and voilà - a fabulous tag! Well done, Lisa!

Decosse's Dynamite Doodles said...

Oh lord woman, I just about fell off my chair (which wouldn't have been pretty I tell ya) and near woke up the neighbourhood laughing so loudly. The absurdity of the whole situation wasn't bad enough at the beginning, but then to find out about the strep throat result after the pap? Just too much. I can always count on you to reflect on the absurdities that life hands out, although I think you get a rather larger share than most people.

Rethinking spending money on colour safe bleach as well. Love the 'direction' your tag took.

Big hugs and good luck with the remaining tests. I'm interested to see what ridiculous ailments they try and pin on you next!


McCrafty's Cards said...

Oh dear Lisa, good job you didnt have a heart attack after that woman stessing you out like that, I hope the boob flattening goes ok, your tag is fabulous I like the beaching the dragonfly peg just brilliant.
Kevin xx

krcmasterpiece said...

Your title caught my attention! Had to come see for myself what that meant. What a time you've had!
Praise the Lord you are OK.

As for the bleach-don't you love it when you make boo-boo's like that! LOL

Your tag turned out great though.

Have a blessed week!

Sandy said...

Had to laugh Lisa!!! Snap with the sore arms, I just had tetanus and the Flu shot one in each arm. I've left it a bit late to have the Hep A shot as we leave for Vietnam on Thursday and tomorrow is a public holiday!!!
Glad I popped in,

Mitralee said...

ugh! Silly blogger, I had my post set and when I pushed publish by HAND this morning, it finally went. I should have checked it last night but was having a bonfire...roasted marshmallows, yum! I love your story. I really think that is too much doctoring all in one week? Or maybe you deserve a cupcake since you are not having a heart attack. Or two cupcakes followed by a glass of wine perhaps?

I think you and Quirks are so brave with your stamps! It never occurred to me to use one! BUT HEY, a q-tip kinda might be like a stamp, right? DRAGON FLYS ROCK by the way. I am a firm believer you can never have enough!

butterfly said...

Oh boy, what a saga! Very glad that you weren't on the verge of a heart attack of course, though after that treatment, anyone would be! Do hope your "women parts" won't be found to have strep throat again...

Fabulous tag in the meantime, colourfast bleach notwithstanding - it's fresh, fun and funky, and I love the charring of the bleach on acetate!
Alison xx

Lisa Jane said...

oh lol well if you weren't having a heart attack before the bleach - you might have had one after lol Glad you are A ok!
Fab tag - love the colours
Lisa x

Unknown said...

I love that in the midst of all this you opt for Door #2. ;) Sounds like it wasn't your first rodeo L2. Hee Hee Glad you are okay and that everything is as it should be. Love this challenge you guys are doing, it's very clever. I love the dragonfly on your artistic tag!
Hope everything goes well this week and that life calms down a bit. ;) Sorry for being scarce lately, I'm running Mach 5 with my hair on fire the past few weeks. :)

Billie A said...

Love all of the details in your story and sure glad your ok. HUGS.. I love the tag and funny on the bleach. who would of thought.. Glad you got it to work and it's a great tag.

Sandy said...

I read your title and I thought what in the world is this girl up to now! The older you get the faster those years whiz by and you begin to think that you were in for your physical just the other day. What a scare you had - that was not good but you are a smart lady and picked the right door. So glad you are super duper A okay!
You tag is delightful and I love the way your arrows point up and never down. To me, that reflects a wonderful positive attitude. Love it!!

Sparkly Engineer said...

Your rant left me chuckling but only because we all have been there at some point. Strep throat- really?

The bit about the wrong bleach - who would have guessed - too funny.

Your tag did come out well in the end though and I learned something new about bleach and acetate too.

Tracey said...

Stunning tag Lisa & so creative :o)

Margaret said...

OK... You really need to start off these posts with "I'm fine, don't panic!" LOL! Have to admit a bit of concern when you started talking heart issues (you know mothers and their 'I'm fine' moments). So glad that all of this just ended up being fodder for a great blog post!

Your tag is awesome and I love that you managed to outsmart the color safe bleach and use it for crafting anyway! The dragonfly is so awesome too!

Mary J said...

Blimey, what a panic! So glad that you are ok though! I love your tag - such gorgeous texture and I love how you used your inks! Fabulous!

Shelby said...

Well thank God you didn't have a heart attack and your husband can still get to second! It's the triple and homerun tests are just too damn fun for words. Anyhoo, this tag is just gorgeous as is all your work and love all of the different elements you've used.


Anita Houston The Artful Maven said...

LOL! LOL! LOL! You are cracking me up! Love the bleached background...what a FUN challenge for you gals!

Patricia St Martin said...

Lisa... You crazy woman, I do have to say the nurse should of not called you like that, I laughed so hard and could not help myself but I'm so glad everything is just fine. Then the bleach... I could see you turning around and I bet you did not say what the heck.. I would of been laughing so hard with you remember not at you.. I'm so glad you did not give up on your project, you did a fantastic job.
Hugs, Patricia

Bettina L. said...

What an awsome project and love it whatever bleach is used. Glad your story ended well as well ;) hugs Bettina xx

Chrissy said...

What can I you,what a week and still more to come, I'm afraid I spread my torture out over the whole year..
Fabulous little tag and just love the clothes pin butterfly..awesome colours too, and such a fun and laughter filled post..


Lori said...

Well, it's not every day someone tells you you're about to have a heart attack! Good grief! This is such a cool tag - such wonderful techniques!

Shahrul Niza said...

LOL!!. I don't know what to say, Lisa!. It's truly amazing that only you, only you, can tell us these very serious health related scares, turned them around and make them, one epic comedy :). Though, I think you need giant HUGS from me now!!. Mind boggling wonder, that color-save bleach!. All in all, I LOVVVEEE the dragon fly, a sweet thing!!. Thanks for the good laugh!. HUGS, again.